When asked by CNN's John King what she thought about December 21st of 2012, Michelle Bachman replied "we're fucked!"

The end of the world is coming in 2012, and the one thing that the scientific community is in total agreement on, is the pain.  Scientists now believe that the end of the world and America will hurt worse than anything in the history of pain, but that’s not all.  Now leading researchers are predicting that even after 2012 is over and the planet and America have been destroyed, the pain of total world destruction will last for decades . . . perhaps even a million billion years or more!

Presidential candidates were asked about the end of the world in 2012 and what they thought they could do to make it easier for Americans.  When the question posed by CNN’s John King came to her, Michelle Bachman looked King straight in the face and, typical of her say-it-like-it-is style, said plainly “we’re fucked!” Bachman’s bold honesty pretty much sums it up.  If the best and brightest in both science and politics agree that the world is going to end, there is no disputing that it is God’s will and the planet will end.

There are many different groups of leading world scientist all studying this phenomenon in order to determine exactly how the earth will end and why.  It has now been proven that the earth will definitely end in one of several different ways.

1. All 10 planets of our solar system will all align with the center of the Galaxy and Universe causing the Earth to lose it’s magnetic shield.  When this shield is down it will make the poles reverse and the planet will flip upside down.  The action of the planet flipping will cause a large enough section of Europe and Asia to break off into space that it will throw the remainder of the planet out of orbit and the Earth will slowly grow colder and colder as it drifts off into space.  In this scenario everyone in all of Europe and Asia will die right away while those remaining on the planet will slowly die of cold and lack of food, starting with California and any parts of Europe that are still clinging on to the planet.
2. God’s wrath will cause a huge explosion of the sun and a massive piece of sun will be hurtled toward our planet at the speed of light.  We won’t have much time to react but it won’t matter what we do, even if we fired all our bombs at the sun piece it would still hit the earth and smash it into many fiery pieces.  The giant ejected sun piece will descend upon the earth at the speed of light and strike the city of San Francisco first sending a huge wave of fire and lava rocketing around the globe consuming all the earth and burning everyone alive.  It will take a million years for the earth to cool down and when it finally is cool enough to go outside again everyone will have died and there will be nothing left.
3. Jupiter will align with the earth and the center of the galaxy and the two gravitational pulls of these amazingly large objects will pull at both sides of the earth and stretch it in both ways.  This will cause people on the Jupiter facing side of the earth to fall off of the earth into the sky toward Jupiter and be frozen and suffocated in space.  The people on the galaxy side of the planet will get sucked away in to the center of the galaxy and stretched to infinity long which is a terribly painful way to die that lasts forever.  People at the top and bottom of the earth and the sides equal distant in between the two gravitational forces will be pulled into many pieces and sucked apart.  This will hurt so bad that they will be lucky to be dead.  The massive gravity will distort the planet into the shape of a long pole and it will lose it atmosphere killing anyone left on the planet.

All three of theses scenarios are very likely and would spell certain doom for the earth and it’s inhabitants. But apparently it would not be surprising if more than one of these scenarios played out on December 21st, 2012.  According to the National Laboratory of Science and Scientists, the most likely cause of our demise will be not one, but a combination of these devastating events. One can just imagine the horrible anguish that awaits anyone who would dare survive that day.

If science and history have taught us anything, it’s that we can never be so bold as to underestimate or not prepare for the wrath of nature and god.  The same way that New Orleans was wiped off the map by Hurricane Katrina, Earth could easily be wiped off the globe by sun explosions or super gravity or the simple wrath of an angry God. Who are we to try and understand God’s will and why he would decide to explode our planet or burn the gays and the rest of us? We’re just humble human beings and we have simple minds, but our simple minds can understand at least one thing, and that’s this: If we are going to do something to save our planet, we had better do it quick because if December 21st rolls around in 2012 and we haven’t figured out a way to block our sun from exploding, it’s going to be a hot day on planet earth and then we’ve got Hell to look forward to.

Take that to the bank and cash it!